Something has been trending recently, and that is the (almost) worldwide phenomena of declining TFR (total fertility rate). While this issue is (seemingly) not really a religious issue, it does not escape the scope of this blog, and I won't let that prevent me from giving my thoughts and opinions.
Part 1: Discussion of Related Issues
Even as the world gets richer, families are having a hard time reproducing enough to replace themselves. The world population is rising, but that is merely because our birth rate is higher than our death rate, period. In the short term, this causes increasing economic strain on the decrease in working adults to support the increasing number of retirees. And in the long run, this will eventually result in a societal collapse.
Current Attempts to Counter It
In an attempt to combat low fertilities, many governments give incentives for having children: namely baby bonuses and increased number of paid leave days (for parents). But treating it as a numbers game is something I disagree with. I mean certain advances in the world seems conducive for child rearing. For example, the world is getting richer (on average) and advances in technology has replaced manual labour with automation. Yet finding money and time to raise a child still becomes an obstruction in the way of having more kids. Why?
That is because money and time is not enough. They can never seem enough. If we were to go by numbers alone, then whatever material incentives offered to parents is surely undermined by the total sum of money and time needed to raise a child. Therefore the numbers game is merely a band-aid to the real problem. The core of this issue is that it is a cultural one. The family is a cornerstone of society. And society is what enshrines culture. So how could shrinking families be anything but that?
Women
And most relevant to the cultural shift is... Women. Let's be real here. Men can have families whether they are rich or poor, at 18 or 58, well-established or just starting out in their careers. The role of men have not changed over the years at all as well, even now. Wives will always look up to their husbands as a protector and provider (even if just subconsciously). It's unlikely that women will marry a man for him to be the submissive, timid homemaker for her, even if she is working or earning more than him.
But women have a different story. Women have seen a shift in familial roles over the past 100 years. With the feminist movement came the idea that women were to not only work jobs that had a supplementary role to the family's income, but to work alongside or even to surpass men. Women were also encouraged to make and fight for their own choices in life, from their career to their relationship status, to the decisions within their marriages.
I am aware that women worked in the past too, but they played supportive roles. When they were farming, the men went out fishing or hunting. When they worked part time jobs, the men had full-time careers. This meant that women were "closer" to home as they were seen as the primary homemaker. Feminism and the industrial revolution signalled a break in traditional roles women went out to work 9-5 jobs as well.
Now no longer brought up with the sole purpose of just having a motherhood role, women also strived to achieve the best in the careers, with the well-meaning to give their families a better livelihood. As the generations passed, we are now at a stage where it has become ingrained for women to be expected to do well at school which translates to doing well in their careers later on. Accompanied with the attraction of material wealth and social prestige of having high-paying jobs it has become no surprise, frankly, that what was core to motherhood ie. having and raising children, has taken a toll.
Yes, this shift to being more materialistic is a societal one, affecting both men and women. But ultimately, it has become the woman's choice (as per achieving feminist goals). The reality is that up until they are about 35 is when their "golden" years of child-bearing are, but that same period is also when they are most enthusiastic to chase their dream careers. Either way, one has to give.
Money
Financial woes has often been cited as a reason for low TFR. Honestly, I can't say much as this differs from society to society. But what I do know, is that many of the past generations were brought up in relatively poorer environments as compared to now. Yet we can see from statistics that having children did not seem as much of a problem. As the saying goes, "if there's a will, there's a way". As with many things in life, something becomes easy if you want it. And the keyword here is "if you want it", as only then will making (the many) sacrifices for raising children come naturally. Essentially, it boils down to personal philosophies in life, of which is heavily influenced by society and modern culture. On the other hand, being unwilling to make sacrifices will make having children seem more difficult or even impossible: where I live, I have heard claims that having children requires salaries 2 or 3 times that is actually needed. But of course, this comes down to personal lifestyles and philosophies, and that brings it back to my original point. And I don't think I am being unrealistic. In my environment, I have seen quite a number of families, although unlikely earning the "standard" income, with 4 or more children!
Arguing that requiring a huge salary to raise children "well" seems like a valid one. After all, we all want the best for our children. But at a certain point, we have to realise that not are we only aiming to raise them well, but raising them "spoilt". Giving our children the best toys, supporting them to get straight As at school and sending them for a plethora of enrichment classes seems like the ideal way to give your child the "best". But we need to stop and reflect. What are we really teaching our children? Sometimes I feel treating them that way inculcates the "rat race" in them. Is that what society really requires right now? There is the added problem of stressing them out as well. Anyway, I would argue that both too much or too little is equally problematic. Yes, in today's climate being rich does significantly improve your child's success. In my opinion, university has become much more transactional than as a source of true education. You put in a big chunk of money, and you get a certificate that helps you land bigger paying jobs. Richer families have the head start in this way, and their find themselves an easier path to success. But there is more than one way to define success.
After all has been said, in comes.... Materialism. A huge factor that lies as a boundary to raising the birth rate is materialism. Unless one is particularly wealthy, raising children cuts much of one's time and energy and it competes with one's materialistic desires. And we must be real and honest about it: we can blame world economics all we want, but the truth is that materialism is on the rise.
Anxiety
A reason some people give for not having children is because they are anxious that their future children will not have a good, conducive life. This may be because of worsening world events, such as inflation, wars, harmful ideologies, declining mental health - amongst a plethora of other modern world problems. This is seen when the birth rate plunged during COVID and did not bounce back as was expected (as is the trend when societies recover from traumatic events).
Only unless things change will people feel comfortable to have children. The irony is that society only changes as the generations go by, and we are the ones who will need to raise children to be the change in society for their generation. The change we desire for future generations will not be possible if there is no one to pass the torch to. It has always been the case throughout humanity (and indeed it is part of the human nature) that by imparting our values upon our offspring, we place our desire for change in our offspring. And there is nothing wrong or selfish in that. No parent (unless neglectful) will have zero expectations or put no effort in raising them the way they want, consciously or subconsciously instilling their values in their children. Undoubtedly, the next generation will find their own way, and have to face the challenges that are unique of their time as well. But accepting that is part of qadr of Allah. There is nothing that we do that has a determined outcome. Our role as parents is to act as a medium for raising and nurturing a new human life - life that rightfully belongs to Allah anyway.
Perfect Parenting?
Life is messy. Parenthood is no different. Because as parents, we are nurturing lives. Yes, do all the self-reflection and research you need. But being a parent does not mean one, or one's home, need to be perfect. Older generations can attest to the lack of standard (as compared to today's) and care they received when they were young. They can laugh back at the experiences they had when they were kids. But inevitably, with the progress of technology and knowledge, the world became much more codified. Certain standards were set to ensure children had physiologically and psychologically safer environments.
But does such progress in the world mean that our future generation needs to be raised "perfectly"?
Playgrounds are now risk-assessed and are safe from hazards. A child's environment is constantly wiped down and clean. Cameras are everywhere. Yet no matter how "proper" we think we have become, there is still a lot of "improperness" that parents of today are challenged with. Forget playgrounds, we expose our children to the most unsafe place for their mind: the internet - riddled with brain rot, sexual predators, misleading ideologies and cruel social comparison traps. Forget dirty environments, too many parents nowadays are too busy to spend quality time with their children. And forget abusive parents, divorce rates are going up, putting children's emotional wellbeing at risk. These challenges are real, and all too common. Not putting anyone at fault here; that's just the way things are. Problems never end. And having problems does not mean something is undoable or should be given up.
So parenthood? We should all do our best to overcome or minimize the challenges of our times. But being a perfect parent? Forget about it. Take the leap. Embrace the chaos that is family. As all of mankind always has!
Worsening, Not Solving
In an effort to maintain the economy, many governments put some reliance on immigration and increased healthcare (to increase retirement age). However, this is exacerbating the issue. An influx of immigrants may feel like a competition for resources with citizens and a threat to societal identities (citizens may not feel welcome in their homeland). And this may translate to citizens not being comfortable to have more children. While I believe immigration is a net-positive in many areas, governments should think about how it affects the trajectory of their objectives when it comes to raising birth rates.
Likewise, raising retirement ages (only possible due to improved health care and life expectancy), means that one is contributing to the economy longer. But I argue that the elderly should be encouraged to retire and to be more committed to familial affairs instead. Namely, to help in taking care of their grandchildren. But raising the retirement age is a symptom of the problem - I would argue that, for the first time in history, the generation of our still-working seniors was when we began to lose touch with traditional parenthood. As dual-income parents have fewer options in delegating child caretaking, some opt to have none at all.
Part 2: A (Proposed) Solution
Something I think will help is for governments to promote the very values that encourages children-centric families. And those will be the traditional, religious values. Promote ideas that fulfilment and happiness comes with having children. Discourage materialistic mindsets. Champion stories of alternate lifestyles. Not only that of successful start-ups, unique business ideas, people who "made it", or anything career-related for that matter, but stories of parents who struggled to make ends meet yet raised successful children, parents who raised challenged children, and parents who despite having big families, "made it work". Particularly harmful or misleading are those so-called successful parents who are able to juggle their demanding top, high-paying careers and their families. Because in most cases, either the career or family will deprioritised, and most often in these cases, it is the family. It's not that there is anything inherently wrong to be materialistically successful, but once we move (or at the very least broaden) the goalpost for what is determined as success, only will there be effective changes in society.
As for "lowering the bar", I guess it helps, but it doesn't really offer anything to change people's personal life philosophies (if for example, they are materialistic or individualistic). Let's face it. As more families transition to being single-income households or when society on average spends less time/energy at work, our economy and families' spending power will take a hit. But instead of making is seem that we are trading something away in exchange for children, we could change people's mindset so they will accept the change more willingly.
Or perhaps the worse case scenario happens. Dropping TFR becomes unstoppable and irreversible. And nature takes its course, seeking it's way to equilibrium. In a couple of generations, the state will be so dire that (after a massive economical and societal collapse) and bouncing back from that collapse will be a new society. One that perhaps has so little population, that competition becomes scarce, and families feel more comfortable having bigger families. But nothing will be It will be nothing short of being apocalyptic.
Islam
It is clear that having children is much of a sunnah as marriage itself.
Ma'qil bin Yasar narrated:
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him said: "...Marry the one who is fertile and loving, for I will boast of your great numbers"
Sunan an-Nasa'i 3227
It contains much reward and goodness in them.
Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported:
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him said: "When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things ... a virtuous descendant who prays for him."
Riyad as-Salihin 1383
and
Uqbah bin Amir narrated:
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him said: "Whoever has three daughters and is patient towards them, and feeds them, gives them to drink, and clothes them from his wealth; they will be a shield for him from the Fire on the Day of Resurrection"
Sunan ibn Majah 3669
(and there is a narration of a similar reward for 2 or even 1 daughter, and Allah knows best the reward for sons)
Having children that will be a part of the Muslim ummah, and God-willing, will rise with you behind Prophet Muhammad is indeed something to be proud of. What more if they carry on your lineage - being able to meet all your descendants in Paradise will indeed be a welcoming thought. Raising children is not easy, but every effort and sacrifice you put towards raising them, from their nursing, to their education, to helping them navigate life's struggles later on are indeed good deeds that do not pass by unnoticed by Allah. And even if they were to turn rebellious, then that must be seen as a test from Allah, something that will be rewarded too if you remain patient. And if Allah decided to take them back to him before your time, then there is a comforting reward in that too.
Abu Musa Al-Ash'ari (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated:
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him said: "When a man's child dies, Allah, the Exalted, asks His angels 'Have you taken out the life of the child of My slave?' Thereupon He asks , 'What did my slave say?' They say: 'He praised You and said Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un' ... Allah says 'Build a house for My slave in Jannah and name it Baitul-Hamd' ".
Riyad as-Salihin 922
Knowing that having children has a positive spiritual aspect on one's life definitely encourages one to have them. This is especially true in today's environment where the physical, financial, mental and emotional aspects of parenthood have diminished (respectfully due to working parents and other issues listed above). In that sense, having and raising children have become an act of ibadah, and indeed it is one. It is a sacred trust given by Allah.
Therefore going back to the solution, instead of trying to water down religion, I propose that governments have nothing to lose by promoting religious values (daresay even above or on par with materialist values). For secular governments, I'm sure they are smart enough to figure a way to promote religious-familial values without seeming like they are going against their secular values. To be secular does not mean numbing religion anyway. It is giving room for all religions to thrive equally in a society. Religious families produces religious children (and many at that), and people of true faith directly contribute well to society.
As for being fearful that wealth diminishes with children is also a concept that can be overcome with faith:
"Do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you... "
Translation of the Quran, Surah Al-Isra : Ayah 31
And the main point being that it should be understood Allah is the one who provides sustenance, therefore, there should be little (financial) fear for having children. And like all things when it comes to our relationship with Allah, it must also be understood that we should not take such matters lightly - we must still strive to provide for our dependents.
To think that leading a life with less responsibilities will result in a happier life is wishful thinking. Allah can test us in many ways: testing us with emotional hardship such as having regret or loneliness, testing us with the wealth we spend, and test us with the time that we have (all more or less negated by the fact that married couples with children can attest that they have very little alone-time, excess wealth and free time).
A Word of Caution
Whatever one's decision is, we must still remember that children are of the dunya. And our true goal is the akhirah.
"Wealth and children are [but] adornment of the worldly life. But the enduring good deeds are better to your Lord1 for reward and better for [one's] hope."
Translation of the Quran, Surah Al-Kahf: Ayah 46
"Your wealth and your children are but a trial, and Allāh has with Him a great reward."
Translation of the Quran, Surah Al-Taghabun: Ayah 15
Of course one is more noble than the other and is easier to earn greater rewards with Allah. But within the Islamic paradigm, both must be seen as temporary pleasures, lest we become too invested and put too much hope in them, becoming a source of distraction from Allah.
Ending Statement
It's sad and ironic how a forseable decline in the human race is not caused by war, plague, robot takeovers or even alien invasion, but because of the decisions we make. One could blame anyone they wish, but unless you are or were incapacitated in some way or too poor to even afford basic necessities, our society really can't blame anyone for not reproducing enough. To the fault of no one, it is understandable that we each have our own goals in life, but as the TFR in many societies plunges below the recoverable rate, we must likewise be prepared for whatever is to come.
X.
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