Fitrah, Fitnah & Feminism

Part 2: Fitnah

Feminism has highlighted many of the injustices women have faced in the past and given voices to women when they had none. But for all the good it has brought, I believe it is not something to be sought for in it's entirety. It is my belief that feminism has brought much harm to society in its implications and practices. It does not truly support women fully as intended.

Ironically, it also benefits men at the expense of women. Especially men who themselves do not hold traditional values. Men who do not value honour and chivalry. Men who have bought into the feminist movement and seek it for their own gains. This a far cry from the aim of feminism to absolve women from "the clutches of men". It just shows that nothing much has changed. Women are still vulnerable in society. Because of how Allah has created us, it has been that way and it always will be. Rather than turning to feminism, I believe we must accept that reality so that we can work with it and not against it.

Below I have listed 9 spheres of a woman's life where feminism has impacted both her and the society around her. They may be positive in some ways, but negative in many. And those are the ways in which feminism has given rise to fitnah that is prevalent in society.

Sex

With the sexual revolution (propelled by the feminist ideology that women should have complete autonomy of their own bodies), women are making themselves more available and 'easy' (for men!). Men no longer need to go through marriage in order to be intimate with women. They no longer need to be legally bound to care for his woman, to maintain her (living expenses), to protect her and to treat her with justice. He doesn't need to be vetted by her family, or pay her dowry. What is required for a man to be intimate with whomever he wants and whenever he wants is just to charm and maybe pay for the date he found on 'dating' apps. And that is the modern version of 'ta'aruf', 'mahr', 'nikah (with consummation)' and 'talaq'... all happening in a nightly basis! Did zina happen in the past? Yes definitely. But did people have dozens or even hundreds of sex partners as is now commonly practiced? I don't think so. For women who tend to be more emotional and view sex as the manifestation of love and connection, this can only benefit men who do not hold such emotional attachments with sex. Another important point of consideration is pregnancy. Not legally bound, the man owes nothing to the woman if she bears a child.

If left unguarded, the eyes are a pre-cursor to zina. Even if sex is not involved, women are encouraged to dress as they please, only owing their dress code to fit the occasion (which, let's be honest is morally subjective and is open for re-interpretation). This again, only benefits men as their lustful gaze and sexual fantasies are left free to roam, even during mundane activities such as commuting to work. By Allah, if women only knew where men's eyes land or could hear men's thoughts they would be so disgusted that they would give it a second thought before going out dressing freely as they used to. And this is evidenced in the reaction women give when men get caught. Something I always find befuddling is that women are encouraged to dress to "express their freedom", to "flaunt it if you got it" and to "be confident", yet why do they express their distaste if horny men ogle or catcall? Such men are told off to be not knowing how to respect women, as women supposedly have the right to dress as they please. But people who have no self-respect only attract disrespect in likeness from others. And that is true for many aspects in life, not only relating to dress codes. The fact that women feel embarrassed for being called out (instead of feeling validated), just shows that rather than believing in feminist rhetoric, a woman's fitrah is to be modest and private! Anyway, men looking at women are not isolated incidents or exceptions to the norms. What women don’t realize is that "sleazy old men" aren't the only ones with 'inappropriate' tendencies.

Even for women not involved in zina and immodest dressing, a hyper-sexualized society also espouses unreasonably high beauty standards. Beautiful women are sold to our eyes wherever we look. Plastered on movie screens, TV shows, ads, posters and Instagram posts, we are under constant barrage of looking at beautiful women. Industries have also expanded their demographics, not to make women feel confident about themselves but more importantly, to sell their products to them! No longer just white, skinny models, we now see that plus-sized, black, asian, exotic and transgender models are becoming common too. Even businesses claiming to sell "hijabs" and "modest Islamic wear" hire models and are tailored to be attracting to the human eye. This makes all women in general feel the need to meet such standards, harming their mental health and crippling their self-worth. For example, the makeup industry is worth hundreds of billions today. Although makeup is something certainly not new to humanity, it has never reached such a widespread and commercialized use. Despite claiming that beauty products are for 'confidence', many women are unable to leave their houses without some form of adornment. This is a sign that they have been afflicted with need to look attractive.

Another product of the feministic sexual discourse is gender-mixing. According to them, there is no harm or any problem if men and women intermingle. A peck on the cheek, a friendly hug or singing and dancing are all fair play. Yet if it is truly harmless, then why is it that such societies are plagued with broken marriages, aborted children and silenced affairs!? And to the extent that it has become normalised, alongside "open relationships" and side chicks? This is all because people are given a little too much trust with their desires. Western societies set little to no boundaries on gender-mixing, propelled by ideology of 'freedom'. And what happens if something unfortunate were to happen in such scenarios? Blame conveniently gets laid on men for any sexual misconduct eg. harassment, molest and rape. With no clear, robust boundaries and appropriateness set in Western societies, it has become a blame game when inappropriateness or sexual misconduct is involved.

Hyper-sexualization and "female body empowerment" has had a negative effect on men too. By now, it is common knowledge that pornography not only affects the way they see women, but stunts mental growth as it develops into an addiction. But what is not so commonly known is that hyper-sexualisation breeds a more subtle - but is not any less catastrophic - condition in men as well. It is classified as a major sin as evidenced in the following hadith:

It was narrated from Salim bin 'Abdullah that his father said:

"The Messenger of Allah said: "There are three at whom Allah will not look on the Day of Resurrection: The one who disobeys his parents, the woman who imitates men in her outward appearance, and the dayouth..."

Sunan an-Nasa'i 2562

The dayouth are men who lack ghayrah (protective jealousy) of his womenfolk. This has become even more prevalent nowadays as men have been conditioned by society to be emasculated and stripped of his natural characteristics. And that is because they don't want to be seen as backwards or misogynistic by society. In turn, this breeds even more hyper-sexualization in society as women are not reminded by those around them to guard their modesty and chastity, eventually putting themselves in harm's way. For those of us who have the privilege to live in first world countries, we might assume that due to our increased levels of safety and policing, we are safe to express ourselves freely without any fear of harm. But even for women who are lucky enough not to be victims of sexual predation, they should know better than to ever let their guard down especially around non-mahram men, even to those in her "safe" circle.

I have came across a story on YouTube when a lady cried the moment she found out her that her step-father was consuming her sexual content and another one where a daughter proudly expressed her involvement in such content while her father (being interviewed in the video) remained quiet (yet his facial expression gave his true feelings away). Yes, depraved men are far from innocent, but neither are such (naïve not to mention sexually immoral) women too. Do people think that those around them will give them their due humanly respect despite being sexually immoral themselves? Who do they think actually consumes their content? On the other hand, should a man remain quiet if he hears his colleagues talking about his daughter in a sexualized way (having watched her content)? Or should he willy-nilly just allow his wife to be comfortable and expose her beauty with other unknown men "just as friends" knowing what might go on in their minds? Or how about mothers who are involved in pornography? Is it fair for his children to endure bullying silently from their friends for having such a mother and for them to hear them talk about their mother using degradatory terms? No. Allah created jealousy in men for them to protect their womenfolk from harm, and He created men to have ego so that he will defend his honour, of which his household is a part of. And this is for the betterment of society as it protects both men and women from the evil of their own actions. May Allah increase our taqwa in Him and grant us all sincerity to act in His sake.

Family structure

Feminism pushes the idea of equality between men and women, husbands and wives. So according to this ideology, a husband and his wife are to share house chores, leadership roles, and decision-making 50/50. However! If we were to be consistent with this ideology, then the couple also needs to share financial responsibilities 50/50, protection of the house 50/50 and decision making 50/50. Being true to this practice makes the husband's life easier as he as a co-partner to equally share all family burdens with, a privilege men pre-feminism did not have. But in reality this is almost always not the case and feminism just becomes a tool for control. Feminist women demand 50/50 in house chores and decision-making but do not eagerly want to equally share the financial burden and protection of the household with the husband. This just shows the absurdity of feminism as women may find certain aspects of family rearing (that are traditionally performed by men) to be unnatural to them. Men may also share this sentiment as they are made to perform roles that they may not be naturally adept at. This leads to discord in the family as husband and wife are pitted against each other in power-struggles and ambiguity in roles.

Leadership

Feminists are not happy that there aren’t more women in leadership roles. Firstly, I question: what is the importance of a woman being in a leadership role? Will they make better decisions then men? Or do feminists want women to be in leadership roles just because they are women? Or is it because they want it to cripple male dominance? I'm not saying that all leaders must be men because only men are competent for such roles. Many aren't. But to insert gender into the topic is implying that men are doing what is best for themselves while purposely oppressing women. If that argument were to be used, then to oppose that and to put a woman into a leadership role would just mean that she will do the reverse, ie. purposely oppressing men. This way of thinking is just pitting men against women once again. It is not fair to leaders who do their best to be just and fair. This will also result in very controversial and ineffective "DEI hires" practiced in the West, where companies regulate their staff not based only on their competency but also based on their backgrounds. And no longer just being about gender, it has extended to race, religion, and sexuality. Following this ideology, companies would have equal numbers of male, female, black, white, Asian, straight, gay and trans staff in each hierarchy bracket. And it wont end there of course. There is just an endless number of classifications to add. Look, I am not saying that no woman should have leadership roles. Many women have such characteristics and should be praised for as such. Islamic history is also proud of women who hold such positions. It is just that the only acceptable, standard reason for a someone to get into any role is because of their characteristics and skills, and not just because of their gender.

As for marital affairs, feminists are not happy that men are the leaders by default. But what is a leader? A leader is stable, calculative, far-sighted and strong-willed. And unironically those are the exact qualities that women naturally look for in a man (and vice versa for qualities that men look for in women). Yes, many women might be professional, skillful, on-point and quick to make decisions at work, yet many women I know put those aspects of leadership at the door when they come home. In front of their husbands they become emotional, fickle-minded and less resilient to stress. That is not to say that those are bad characteristics. They play an important role as they, for example, act as a litmus test for when something is not right at home - to counter a man's tendency who might choose to ignore such matters just because it might seem easier for them to do so. Just as how man are created in a way, women are too. But taking that into consideration, who is more preferable to wear the pants the house?

Public Sphere and Working

This is generally the least contentious in the list, but can also the most tricky. Traditionally, it was not necessary for women to involve herself in the public sphere ie. being 'out there' and working but instead they had the default role of being a housewife. And the reason for that is simply because of biology. Pregnancy, menstrual cycles (causing mood swings) and menstruation cramps are all good reasons why societies systematically did not put the role of being a breadwinner on women. Of course now feminism wants to change things and make women feel that they should work. While there is nothing inherently wrong with a women working, the point I am making here is that women nowadays think that they must pursue careers. That may not always be in their best interests as it can be argued that a career-driven woman is fighting against her biology and it may not be the most best path to happiness, fulfilment and life satisfaction. And here's why.

Firstly, feminists might argue that women have proven their competence and should be career-driven because they are able to have jobs all the way up to the professional level, even finding themselves to be at the top of the pyramid as CEOs. However, there is a difference between what one can do and what someone should do. What I think they miss out is that people behave differently at home and outside. We all leave our suits at the door to our house and our aprons at the door to our office. That is to say, we behave differently outside and at home. At work, we are expected to display a level of professionalism. But behind closed doors, we put our guard down and show significantly lesser restraint in displaying our true selves. At work, some women may seem to be a natural at "climbing the ladder", but nobody can deny that that is physically, mentally and emotionally draining as it not only includes pushing the boundaries at work to please bosses, but also dealing with colleagues in office politics. Many come home just yearning for a good coddle. Again, I am not saying there is anything wrong with that. In fact, what I'm trying to say is that the way they behave at home is more in line with their fitrah, which is to feel protection, comfort and safety physically, mentally and emotionally. It may be tiring not able to comfortably display it at work, even amongst their friends (for fear of backbiting, being judged, etc.), hence it is perfectly normal for them to seek it from their husbands.

Another need that stems from the need of feeling safe is their need to be meticulous or being treated as just and fair. However, this might sometimes feel misplaced at work, often resulting in finding themselves to incur ire or being 'blacklisted' by their bosses and colleagues. What many don't realize is that their bosses are not their husbands to whom they can openly complain to. On the other hand, men are more resistant to changes in dynamics. When spouses bring home "spill over" emotions from work, the household suffers.

Thirdly, this has impacted the children and her marriage. Let's face it. By now we must all agree that the fabled "super mum" (in the sense that she is able to have a highly successful career as well as family) only exists in rare, specific cases and is not something to be pursued by everyday women. Yes, there are countless career-mums who have raised successful children by any standard (and there are also countless housewives who do not), but let's be truthful here. Everything has limits, with time being the biggest factor. Something was compromised, be it taking a step back in the career, not creating strong bonds with children during their crucial years, or impairing the relationship with her husband.

Some very much career-driven women have also made the choice of becoming too emotionally attached to their jobs and have decided to dedicate their lives to it. So much so that they have misplaced their maternal instincts and poured it into their workplace instead, nurturing it as if their child. Well, I am not one to dictate the path one takes. There is nothing morally wrong with not getting married or starting a family. But I find it ironic when the means to live (ie. a job) becomes the meaning of life itself. Such women may have spent their entire youths prioritising chasing cushy positions at work that by the time they think twice about starting a family, it may be too late. Not only do they have little to no experience with managing romantic relationships, but their bodily systems may have sailed past it's prime by then. And finally, the saddest and most crushing blow such women may experience is that the moment the economy does poorly, or their bosses had a change of mind, or they fall chronically or terminally ill, they realise that they are just a string of numbers in a corporation's employee list; hired and fired to suit the business. No strings attached, no love lost, no fond memories. While she may spend the rest of her golden years in regret of the barrenness of her womb, it's just another day at the office for the rest of whom she once considered 'family'.

Lastly and most importantly, the greatest fitnah is that the frequent mixing of men and women in the workforce has resulted in illegal relationships. How many marriages have been shattered by this?

Money

Encouraging women to work increases the pool of workers. This propels industries (which is traditionally owned by men) to grow, generating more revenue . With their own income and autonomy to spend, this also paves the way for businesses (which is also traditionally owned by men) to target them as another consumer base. From my personal experience and my observation of cultural trends, I believe that women tend to spend on superfluous things, with running jokes such as "my money is my money and your money is my money" and "happy wife, happy life", or women taking into pride the size of their engagement rings, or the ratio of the women's section (the products catered to them) as compared to the men's in departmental stores - signifying that husbands are the ones expected to buy nice, shiny things for their wives. I won't get into statistical arguments to prove this point as it is not really relevant. Households having dual incomes just means that there is more spending power for families to buy 'wants', be it spouses spending on themselves or for their counterparts. Look, this is not to fault women for being spendthrifts (generally). Men themselves, on the other hand, are stereotyped as stingy and cheapskates! I am just saying that feminism has played into businesses driving consumerism and materialism, all detrimental to the mental health of those who tend to be more influenced by insecurities and peer pressure. This can be seen as businesses try to equate buying their products to being "a strong woman", or propelling the idea that women who are able to buy luxury items are seen (materially) successful. But in truth, they are just marketing gimmicks, meant to exploit women into buying them. Buying things we don't need is one thing; to be affected mentally by feeling the need to buy luxury items is another, especially if they are unaffordable.

Mistrust and Broken Relationships

Living in times when emotions are valued over reason, boys have been raised up to think that outcompeting women or expressing their masculine traits are seem as toxic or misogynistic and are socially unacceptable. Girls are also brought up to think that they must pursue careers in order to be considered 'successful'. An example for this is the repeated messages we consume in movies. We have all been socially conditioned to laugh along when men are seen as goofy and incompetent, to devalue patriarchy when men are displayed as abusive, and made to cheer on female protagonists taking down men thrice their size. In truth, the media industry is only concerned with pulling in maximum viewership, sometimes using wow-factors to do so. They may be caricatures that do not reflect the reality of everyday life.

This conditioning breeds a society with effeminate men and masculine women. When men can't be trusted to act like men, and women can't be trusted to act like women, this creates confusion and uncertainty in what the genders expect of each other and of themselves. This uncertainty creates broken relationships when both parties cannot get their natural needs fulfilled by their counterparts.

Transgenderism

Feminism started as a right to obtain freedom of choosing gender roles, but ended up in the right to freedom of choosing genders itself (ie. transgenderism). The problem with liberalism is that it does not believe in a red line. In this case, feminism's liberative values has shot itself in the foot as transgenders (specifically men who 'transit' to women) invade female spaces such as toilets, changing rooms, and compete with women in sports (even up to the Olympic level). It's not difficult to guess how easy it is to abuse this loophole and who it ultimately benefits. Transgender women are biologically men so it's quite clear how they might perform against biological women. Not wanting to perform in the men's category or even to create a space of their own, their opinions on gender have cost many women their livelihood as they get pushed out of their own zones. As result of this, "biologically-female (or anti-transgender)" feminist movements arose out of feminism!

Karen-ism

Here's a funny one, but a sad reality. Becoming a Karen all starts from young. Instead of being taught to be good, gracious women of society and raised to be nurturing mothers, girls nowadays grow up being told deceitful stories: they are privileged princesses that should accept nothing less than perfection (especially from those villainous good-for-nothing men). As they grow up, they learn that the feminist movement have put them on a pedestal. Take the "MeToo" movement as an obvious example. Men were cancelled and put on a witch hunt just because women pointed fingers. I find it ironic how sometimes women always claim that they are the victims, yet have the biggest advantage. Take divorce for example. When couples divorce, women to get the custody of the children, the house and a portion of a men's wealth. Islamically, this is true as well. However, this is exacerbated by feminist and women right groups who push for women to receive increasingly greater compensation, departing from Islamic balance to the point it becomes a disparity. Sometimes even to the extent that it cripples the man's livelihood and his ability to be involved in future relationships. Yes, many marriages get dissolved because of the ill-treatment by men. But we shouldn't ignore the fact that women may be guilty of it too.

When crocodile tears are valued over reason and justice, this makes for an ungracious society with women becoming karens and men having little incentive for chivalry. And for the latter, why wouldn't they? If something goes south, men are always on the losing end as they get quickly blamed without proper, fair trial. In order to avoid confrontation, this has led people to avoid contact with each other altogether. As mistrust and friction builds up, society becomes incohesive for all.

~

While I have shown how feminism negatively affects society, the greatest fitnah comes from it chipping away at a Muslim's iman and tawhid. Slowly but surely, this will leave the ummah defenceless against further ideological attacks by the colonial machine.

Iman

Muslims who try and adopt (Western) feminism must either agree to accept a watered down version of feminism (eg. still accepting gender roles) or accept a deviant version of Islam (eg. making it permissible for women to lead men in salah). Islamic and feministic belief cannot both exist as wholes in a Muslim's heart. The further one dives into feminism, the further one needs to reject Islamic epistemology and tradition, and even Islam itself. And this gradual shift towards disbelief comes in small steps. In Islam, we have been warned from straying even the slightest bit as we are all aware that that is from the tricks of Satan. No where am I suggesting that every feminist will eventually apostatize. But one must consider the implications of the path they take and must know of its pitfalls.

The first step of feminism is fighting for the injustice faced by women. At this point, all is well and good, and every Muslim should be a part of fighting against all forms of oppression - by anyone and to anyone. To try and make sense of the abuse faced by women, the next step Muslim feminists take is endeavouring to find what Islam says about women, and the fiqh related to them. This too, is not an issue. In fact, this is a commendable act. However, what is as important as knowledge itself is the purpose of seeking it. Just like the difference between a student of knowledge who seeks it for the benefit of the ummah and the Islamophobe who seeks it to spread hatred, there is a difference in the Muslim who seeks knowledge of the deen to educate society of the un-Islamic cultural practices that are oppressive to women and the feminist Muslim who seeks knowledge while viewing it through the lens of their own desires.

For the latter, as they come across interpretations and rulings from our ulama that they don't agree with, will rather reject them than try to understand the wisdom in Allah's religion. They justify it by saying things like: the ulama gave the fatwa in order to oppress women, were ignorant of society or were backwards. Not getting satisfactory answers from the ijtihad of men, feminists will dive deeper and go straight to the sources of knowledge in Islam, the Qur'an and Sunnah. Starting with the Sunnah, they too will reject those that they don't agree with, stating that they were either fabricated ("by oppressive men") or are outdated. Knowing that hadith are fallible, they will then turn to the Qur'an - the unmistakable Word of Allah - and try to find scripture that fits their desires. To their dismay, the Qur'anic narrative on women is also consistent with the hadith and the opinions of the ulama. How could it not? Hadith expands on the Qur'an and the primary sources of ijtihad are the Qur'an and the sunnah. But feminists, knowing that they cannot just throw the Qur'an out the window as they did to scholarly opinion and hadith, then try to re-interpret the Qur'an in their own way.

Now effectively creating a sect from their bedrooms, Muslims who try to submit to feminism (and similar liberal ideologies) open themselves the door to interpreting Islam into anything they wish for it to be. They twist and turn Islam until it becomes unrecognisable. At that point, one is just a step away from kufr as they have de-valued Islam to the extent that it becomes obsolete. Perhaps they might still have belief in Allah, but belief is hard to hold on to if it is not reinforced with worship. What more if one constantly finds himself critiquing Islamic tradition and the righteous scholars? Somewhere at this point, feminist Muslims start to make the haram halal and the halal haram. The hijab no longer becomes mandatory, husbands and fathers no longer need to be obeyed, having a wali is a point of mockery, ikhtilat is practiced and women lead men in salah. Polygamy becomes nullified and the legal, rewarded ibadah of physical intimacy between couples become vilified.

It is just pure arrogance for one to think that the top scholars from every generation - enlightened souls who have taken every endeavour to spiritually cleanse themselves and who have dedicated their lives to knowledge - may give biased or misinformed fatwas whilst not even having proper Islamic scholarship (if any at all). Having a few pathetic years in study does not make one worthy enough to be part of the ulama and legitimate enough to release fatwas. Consistently finding fault with men poisons one against them to the point of hatred. With this fervour in their hearts, they correlate the injustice faced by Muslim women to the Islamic position on women. And finally, not accepting anything Islam has to offer and believing that Islam is the root cause of oppression to women, the feminist leaves the fold of Islam altogether...

Part 3: Fitrah

"Men are the caretakers of women as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially. And righteous women are devoutly obedient and, when alone, protective of what Allah has entrusted them with..."

Translation of The Quran, Surah An-Nisa : Ayah 34

To avoid fitnah and to act in accordance with our fitrah, we must go back to what our Creator intended for us. That is only through following the Qur'an and the Sunnah, even if it means going against emotion and reason. And that leads to an integral point of this discussion:

Gender Roles

In Islam, women are not specifically told that they are forbidden to work, or have no say in marriage, or must assume performing all house chores. Islam places very few set laws for either spouse to follow and they are general rather than specific, albeit being comprehensive and play a huge part in gender roles. This is to allow for flexibility for couples to operate their families as Allah is aware of the vast differences of every man and woman He has created, whilst still providing strong foundations for any family to thrive. Even though Islam acknowledges and plays to the fitrah of the husband and the wife, degrees of masculine and feminine characteristics or personal strengths and weaknesses vary amongst individuals and must all be taken into consideration in matrimonial partnership. That is also to say we are not free to do whatever we wish: abusing rights or shying away from the responsibilities that are given to us. We are obligated to treat each other with mercy and justice. For example, there is no exact law that forces wives to perform house chores. However, if the household heavily relies on the husband to financially provide for the family, it is only natural for the wife to likewise assume the role of the (main) homemaker. A wife also has a right to their husband's wealth for her own living expenses (shelter, food, clothes etc.), but she should also practice mercy on her part and not pressure her husband to provide that which is outside of his capabilities. On the other hand, a husband has the right for intimacy and obedience with his wife, but cannot expect them in absolute terms if he is pushing her capabilities to her limits, especially if she is working and he has taken a share of his wife's wealth for the family's sustenance. Having a wife that is working also does not negate his financial responsibilities over her.

These are only sensible things that a couple must practice with in order to live in tranquility. Of course, we should also always strive to please our spouses and help to lighten their load to the best of our abilities. When wrapped in sincerity and good intention, the family can only thrive. Not to mention the bountiful rewards from Allah that await us! Contrast this with the cold, calculative secular philosophies of liberalism (such as feminism), which only encourages fulfilling individual desires. Gender roles in Islam should not be seen as something rigid and oppressive. Instead of using the law or emotional blackmailing as a weapon to have one's desires fulfilled, compassion towards each other should be the one that fleshes out and builds upon the shari'ah.

In line with gender roles, Islam also introduces the concept of the wali: the male guardian of a Muslimah. If she is unmarried, it is usually her father if he still alive and well, or a male relative is he is not. For the married woman, that person is naturally her husband (although no longer technically called a wali). Under no period of a woman's life is she not under the care of a wali. A wali is responsible for her maintenance, safety, general well-being and seeing through that her best interests are met. For the unmarried woman, he is also required to be present when she is to be married. This means that it is also his responsibility to vet through her potential suitors beforehand. Now, in this day and age where women have been empowered to be financially independent, encouraged to learn self-defence and are entitled to have full autonomy of their romantic choices, many would claim that this concept of a wali is outdated. No doubt, feminists will get repulsed by the idea that a Muslim woman's life is intrinsically tied to being 'under' a male and would see this as oppression. Yet, they do not understand the importance of the role. In reality, men are - in general - still stronger and more aggressive than women (an important aspect for self-defence). Men are also generally logical thinkers (a very important aspect when choosing spouses), and he knows other men better as compared to his womenfolk who tend to be more emotional and who might for example (even if she is a pious Muslimah), be swept away by "bad boys", irresponsible men or those who have ill-intentions in marrying them. As for the maintenance aspect of the wali, what person wouldn't love for their basic necessities to be paid for? Indeed, living in a 1st world country of the 21st century is much safer than the middle ages, and the concept of male guardianship has been watered down, and this is even sanctioned by contemporary scholars. For example, fatwas have been released that a mahram is not required for women to travel. However, the wali still plays a pivotal role in the lives of everyday Muslims and should never be seen as insignificant or even abrogated, with safety always in mind. Indeed, although the world is more policed, it is never safe from harmful acts such as catfishing, kidnappings, verbal abuse by racists and random attacks (due to the decline of mental health). While the need to have male approval might seem stifling, you must understand that Islam is a principled religion, and it always places prevention above harm.

Either way, feminism, which puts one's desires first, in its truest form is hardly practiced in reality. In practical households, all values, not only those tied to finances, leadership, or strength (ie. masculine traits) are treasured. All members of the family should play to strengths (and realize their weaknesses), and should have no problem with voluntarily playing the support role in any case if needed. Rather than feeding personal ego, the nuclear family become successful when all members play a part with preserving healthy relationships being the goal and having Allah and His Messenger, peace be upon him, as the guide.

Modesty, Chastity and Piety

A Muslim is a worshipper of Allah. In that case, it is a Muslim’s duty to obey Allah as He is the All-Knowing Creator. He created both men and women. It is one thing to dislike some of Allah’s rulings (especially if ignorant on the wisdom behind it) but it is another to think to know better than it. We should trust that what Allah has asked us to do is for own good, even if it goes against emotion and reason. It is erroneous for a Muslim to merely follow what is popular amongst the people or to be swayed by their words. Sometimes people say things that may seem nice on paper, but in reality it might not be practical at all.

For example in Islam, women are told to dress modestly. Muslim women at minimum only can expose only their face, hands and feet. They are told to minimize their contact with men and to behave differently around them. All this is to protect both the men and women from fitnah ie. sexual attraction and contact with each other, consensual or otherwise. While Islam acknowledges that sexual immorality is a sin, it also puts emphasis that everyone have roles to play for the betterment of society. It nips it in the bud when Allah commands us to lower our gaze, and introduces the concept of awrah and ikhtilat. Anyone who exceed those clear boundaries are to be faulted in part. This shows the veracity of Islam as such concepts are simple, yet profound. Only Allah knows His creation best - rectifying social issues by relating decency to piety, each reinforcing the other.

Islam also acknowledges the desire for women to want to feel attractive and validated. And therefore they should present their beauty to the only men that truly deserve it - their husbands. Not only will society be protected from fitnah, and not only will it make their husbands cherish them ever so more, but Allah will grant them a reward for it, for His messenger has praised such women!

Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him said:

"It was said to the Messenger of Allah: 'Which woman is best?' He said: 'The one who makes him happy when he looks at her..."

Sunan An-Nasa'i 3231

Finally, let's touch a little on polygamy. It's yet another one of the things that might seem unfair to women. Yet Allah in His infinite knowledge has legislated for it. It is meant for specific cases, specific times and specific men. Feminism supports open promiscuity, where women get exploited and dishonoured. People have multiple sex partners, many times even concurrently. Yet in (Islamic) polygamy where women and children are respected and treated fairly it is seen as something unacceptable and should be abrogated?

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Men and women are not created to be enemies of each other. Islam also came not as a source of oppression, but as a source of enlightenment from Allah and an honour for mankind. The concept of 'adl or justice in Islam does not mean absolute equality. It poses that Allah has created everything to be put in place for it's purpose, and hence should be given its due right. Just like even though how the parent and the child, the king and his troops, the teacher and the student, and finally the man and the woman should be treated equal in respect, they each are different in their roles and responsibilities. It is feminism that we should be weary of. Disregarding God and trying to seek solutions from Man is the cause of fitnah and oppression. To end off this post, let's look at the story of the first husband and wife in humanity: Adam and Hawa, may peace be upon them.

Note: The point of this narrative is to take lessons from the story of Adam and Hawa, not really for the purpose of learning of their stories from the Islamic tradition.

After Allah created Adam, He created Hawa to be his wife, companion, and the mother to his children (and the first to all of humanity). In an almost poetic fashion, Allah created Hawa from the 'crooked' rib of Adam. Although feminists may misconstrue this bit of Islamic tradition (especially the crookedness part) to be misogynistic to women, we should try and understand the wisdom that we can obtain from it. To take it figuratively, this shows the role of Adam (men) to provide, protect, love and care for his wife (just as how the rib is secure in the body) and the role of Hawa (women) to be in unity with her husband, to nurture him and look over his honour and property (just as how the ribs protect the organs such as the heart and lungs). Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings upon him put this into words in a likewise beautiful, metaphorical saying a few thousand years later after Hawa's creation:

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported:

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "A woman is like a rib, if you attempt to straighten it, you will break it; and if you benefit from her, you will do so while crookedness remains in her".

Al-Bukhari and Muslim / Riyad As-Salihin 273

This shows that men are not to bend women to their will with strength and authority, but to learn to work with them and accept them for who they are. Bending a rib will never result in it to be straight (which even if it did, would make it impossible to fulfil it's purpose anyway), but will only cause it to break. And the harder the ribs break, the harder it may puncture an organ (it backfires and hurts the man too). Therefore, the crookedness of the rib is part of the perfection of Allah's creation and a feature rather than a flaw. Anyway, back to the story. Although not really part of the Muslim tradition, even if Hawa was the one who ate the fruit first and who convinced Adam of it, we would have no problem in following that narrative. Why? Because we do not put the blame on Hawa, and neither did Adam. It just expresses a woman's nature. After the fall, Adam took responsibility for his actions and prayed for forgiveness. Both Adam and Hawa also recognised the need for each other and crossed great distances to meet again with the purpose of establishing Allah's covenant on Earth and to populate the it with the first of Mankind's progeny. While there is not much backstory to the lives of Adam and Hawa, we can only imagine that being the first and only humans on Earth would not have been easy. There was no collective human experience to guide them in survival, let alone in family-rearing and relationships. Despite being a prophet and having direct knowledge from Allah, the only way that the Earth is so diverse with men and women of every colour, shape and size is because Adam and Hawa no less had respect of each other, strived to performed their roles and fostered teamwork to create successful offspring. And none of it would have been possible had they not submitted to Allah's commands.

May Allah instil in us wisdom of that which Islam has brought, amin.

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